i've just thought of something. not that i have half the readers that i had in my heyday of updating (i miss you guys... i loved having my little diaryland support group, haha... thanks for everything), but for those who do still occasionally check in, i'd be willing to bet that you're probably fairly confused as to how i suddenly wound up this political charged woman.

i am too, don't worry.

reading the news has always been a part of my internet life; at least in the last four years it has been. i remember in my freshman year of university watching the headlines on yahoo's main page suddenly change, almost overnight, from being obsessed with iran and afghanistan to being completely (and needlessly) obsessed with iraq. i think after that point it was too late for me to turn back, although i didn't know what i'd gotten myself into quite then.

slowly i started working links to articles into my journal entries (mostly over at my livejournal), and then the 2004 election came and went. after bush somehow won (stole) that election and so many states passed amendments to their constitutions banning gay marriage, i decided that there was absolutely no going back for me. i wanted to know as much as i could about the politics of our day, and of the days before my generation's time. i was tired of being in the dark, tired of feeling like i had no business poking around in political affairs because i wasn't a political science major, or a politician, or had any interest in a position of "leadership". the political arena of the u.s. is, afterall, supposed to be the people's arena. we aren't supposed to have degrees to interact and influence the system, we're just supposed to do it within the constrains of the constitution (which is set up so that we can easily do so).

idealistic enough for you? yeah well, i didn't stop there. the more i learned, the more i realized that the country was slipping, had been slipping, is still slipping away from the basic beliefs it had been founded upon. i started noticing the gap between rich and poor, and, thanks to the sudden popularity of the skateboard/punk subculture, i started realizing just how fucked up the forces in control of our society were. consumerism is rampant; ideas, beliefs, philosophies don't matter anymore. and someone is allowing consumerism to eat away at the very foundation of our lives. who? the government.

i started learning more about issues i'd always, always been interested in. pagan religion, for example. while learning about that, i also took it upon myself to learn more about christianity's evolution from roman scapegoat to the world wide phenomenon it is today. and then i put the two together. i learned more about environmental issues, global warming, natural disasters, organic food. i took anthropology courses on technology and learned how it began evolving from simple tools to complex machines, based upon societal influences... and now i've witnessed first hand our complete dependance upon the machines we have created. we were so busy trying to make things easier that we made them harder in the end. the ease the machines bring us is directly contrasted by the many, many hours of hard work we must do to afford the machines in the first place.

and now technology and society has taken our place; they need us, but we don't need them. we don't. that's the conclusion i've come to.

and oh i've learned so much more. more about american history than most americans know, more about american influence on other countries' economies, cultures, and standing in the world. my education has been in some ways sanctioned by those in a position to deem it proper, and in many ways completely voluntary. i have no degree, no proof of what i know, but i still know it, and i still understand how the world works.

and i hate it.

and so, thanks to my extremely liberal education, you have statements like "burn your clocks," statements that grew directly from classes i took in school that were supported by the life i'd become so intimately familiar with.

everyone i talk to these days, no matter what their history, no matter what their personal lives are like, seems to be in a hole of sorts. every year more and more people seem to be losing their motivation to pursue "normal lives," mostly people within my own generation. we're supposed to be graduating from college now, preparing to leap into the "real world" finally, and we're already sick of it. our mid life crisis is happening now. that's got to tell you something.

oh sure, there are still plenty of people who are perfectly happy with the system. of course, these are the same people who are perfectly happy with making enough money to buy themselves the newest pretty things (clothes, cars, technology) and buying cookie cutter homes in neighborhoods where people still behave like they're in high school. i should know; i used to live in one of those neighborhoods. i hated it, and everyone in it, but i'm glad, thankful even, for the experience.

after all, it's shown me everything i don't want to be: petty, obsessed with inconsequential gossip, obsessed with meaningless "things", obsessed with meaningless achievements (so glad my parents didn't push me to be one of those super-students). it's shown me how to actually live.

the more i learned, the more i experienced, the more i kept wanting to immerse myself - not because i was learning enjoyable things, but because i couldn't believe that these things were happening and no one even gave a damn. no one could see the implications for the future. i was quickly approaching the edge of a cliff, and when i got there, i decided that it was time to take a very radical leap off of it. i knew i'd never be happy with myself, knew that even though i'm one person, single people have changed the course of history before. not that i think i'll change it, but i want to try.

it helps too that everything i feel now i feel like i've been preparing for my entire life. as far back as england i remember only wanting to be able to mean something to people when i "grew up". i wanted to be someone influential, but not as a rock star or an actress or any of the other dreams that kids get. writer was the only thing i felt like would fit that goal... and i still cling to that "job" prospect. but i've also realized that "freedom fighter" might also fit the description. as a child i was obsessed with environmental rights. i had strange fixations with wicca that i never could explain (no, it wasn't ever for the spells... i never ever tried to do any, i just wanted to read about it, learn about its history). the weather, the sky, had always fascinated me.

i have so many ideas... so much is finally coming into focus i feel. i just have to find a way to implement my ideas, and here is where i hit a brick wall: to implement my ideas i need people. more people than just my friends (and since not all of my friends still think i'm sane that group is getting smaller and smaller). i need a lot of people. as i'm not the world's best socializer, this is a fairly daunting task. but i suppose the hardest part of organization is getting the ball rolling. once it's going, however... it should keep going. and i don't want to stop... i refuse to accept that there is something bigger out there, something that can effectively stand in my way... because i feel like the things i believe are so much more fundamentally correct, so much better for not just humanity, but for the world, than the current status quo. i know the average person is getting sick of the way things are run, because i hear it in their voices at work. sondra hears it in her patients at the hospital. the elderly population in particularly tends to agree with my point of view. how ironic: the group bush and his fellow republicans courts, and almost always wins over, is the group i find the most agreement from.

i suppose that just goes to show you that the republican party is no longer the "grand ol' party" it was before. before when, i can't quite tell you. before the war. world war II that is. they just did a very good job of hiding its evolution until recently.

it's too early in the evolution of the american right to cry "facism" just yet, but i feel as though we're getting there, more quickly than many realize. the building blocks are in place. the army plays more of a role in our lives than it ever did in the past. bush has militarized the borders (yes, both of them, with his "virtual fence" that will monitor both the canadian and mexican borders). religion is beginning to creep into the laws we pass. certain classes of individuals are obviously favoured over other deviating subcultures. the executive branch of the government has effectively paralyzed the both the judicial and legislative branches through careful corruption and appointing people more concerned about furthering the party mission than upholding the code of the job they've been given. we're being lied to on a daily basis about things much more important than oral sex and we still don't care. impeachment movements? what are they? clue the clueless public tuning into american idol religiously. gigantic databases of personal information are being built for every single person in the country, republican, democrat, independent, foreign or native born, all without our consent or even direct congressional approval. the position of the president has evolved from being the person responsible for upholding the laws and leading their party to being the person who directs the government - all aspects of it - and is never questioned, even when they're obviously breaking laws. all must show extreme loyalty to the president, otherwise risk being labelled as unpatriotic and stigmatized as an evildoer. nevermind that patriotism means supporting the country and the principles it was founding upon, and not the man (or woman) who currently steers the ship.

blindly following one leader never gets anyone far.

i believe the declaration of independence says it best:

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. � That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, � That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. (read the rest here)

Every revolutionary
was once considered an enemy
[one people, one struggle]

Pledge allegiance to yourself
Not greed, power, war, and wealth
Remember you were born a HUMAN BEING
NOT A PART OF THEIR MACHINE
[goodbye america]

there's more but i'm getting sleepy. i recommend reading some nofx lyrics.

but to sum it all up, get used to this erika, because she's not going away. i'm happy this way. this is what i'm meant to be, so even if you don't agree with me, be happy for me.

erika